[letter of faith]

"the only thing you own is the ability to define yourself" - Bruce Conforth (my last undergrad lecture)

dear concerning future,

i used to ask myself what i wanted to do when i grew up. i used to throw out all the standard jobs i saw on tv or in my family. but then i came across engineering and basically told myself if i could do that i could do anything. granted it wasnt the easiest route but it definitely was the most rewarding from the people, the challenge, and most of all the unquestionable degree. but something happened along the way. 

in two days i will have earned a engineering degree from michigan but i will not be using it. at least not directly. because somewhere in my pursuit of this degree i sat down and looked at myself and imagined who i wanted to be. solely an engineer just wasnt doing it for me. it wasnt fulfilling enough. so i thought. long and hard about what i deep down always wanted to do, what i liked to do, and medicine appeared (once again). i wasnt being stubborn anymore. it was not longer an idea too big or too long to complete. it was realistic and motivating. 

im about to graduate with my degree in hand. there will be no question of how hard i worked but my next chapter starts in sort of a limbo. i dont know what i am doing but i trust that by this time next year i will be completing my first semester in a medical school. i trust. i have faith that this time of waiting and wondering will be answered with a dream that only true ambition could fuel. 

like many ambitions and dreams there is concern of whether it will work out. whether it will bring this satisfaction. or whether it will be just another notch of failure in life. the latter is not the plan obviously but i have realized that i would rather jump and fall, yell and be silenced, then to live a life of things i should have done and words i never said.  

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'." - John Greenleaf Whittier

everyone has something different they were meant to do. right now a career in medicine is what i feel i am meant to do. possessing the knowledge to help those that can not help themselves. in some peoples eyes i am wasting the opportunity to get a high paying job. for some i am crazy putting myself into unnecessary debt. but to them i smile and say if you are into chasing money and wasting time then thats your business. i have my entire life to settle into something that i know wont make me happy. but who in their right mind would chose to be unhappy when they have the opportunity and motivation to TRY and live a life doing something they are passionate about. 

they say that our generation doesnt know what they want. that we are ungrateful. what they dont know is that there are some of us that wont stop until we make our dreams a reality. that there are some of us that can not be derailed from our end goal. that there are some of us that will try rather than settle. because being content is not the safest place to be. it can be dangerous for the mind and body. 

sincerely with love,

an ambitious dreamer