[law abiding citizen]

I would love to say 

...that I am a law abiding citizen because it is the “right” thing to do.

I would love to say

...that I am a law abiding citizen because I believe in this country’s justice system.

But Maury’s lie detector would determine that they are both lies.

Survival. I can’t call it fear because it is deeper than that. I watched the movie “Marshall” this weekend. And I hated how I still related to a movie that was based in a time before my mother was even born. I hate that I cringe at the idea that the justice system will help me. I hate that I can’t even grasps the idea of fairness because it seems like such a relative term. I hate that no matter how successful I become it is hard to believe that I will find comfort in this country, that I will believe that I am a full citizen, cause 3/5^ths still feels like a reality in some parts of my mind or at least in the collective experiences of my people. Partial appears to be the maximum. And blinded seems to be the state of mind.

Many of us (read African Americans) are hunted by white ghosts of yesterday’s past. We don’t mean to be, but we can’t help it. Yall (you know who) did a number on our mental status and yall continue to reiterate how much we are not suppose to be here, not suppose to be successful, not suppose to step out of our places. One week from the anniversary of the election from hell, in my lifetime. One of the biggest smacks in the face this country (read some of this country) has ever seen. Times have been worse for minorities, I am by no means saying that this is the biggest nightmare experienced by the black race cause clearly you know slavery, Jim Crow, etc happened. That would be ridiculous considering the beginning, middle, and generally first 90% of black history in this country. But come on. It’s bad. This country is imploding.

But setting the current events aside, before he who shall not be named gained more power, we were already struggling as a country. So I am a law abiding citizen because I want to increase (note not guarantee because folks is cray) my chance of survival, of coming home. Because nothing, not even my two college degrees, not my mama, nothing, will save me from point blank execution, being left for dead in a jail cell, or going missing with a dozen witnesses. Cause they still have thoughts of lynching. Still can’t handle biracial relationships. Still think we can’t read. Still think the welfare system is only us. Are still unpoliced and unjust. And everyone still wonders why all the black kids still sit together in the cafeteria. Because we need to. 

And the law is an interesting concept/structure/baseline. Even as a law abiding citizen there is room for self interpretation. Because of two thoughts...

"Today’s Constitution is a realistic document of freedom only because of several corrective amendments. Those amendments speak to a sense of decency and fairness that I and other Blacks cherish." - Thurgood Marshall

"You do what you think is right and let the law catch up" - Thurgood Marshall

...the law was not made for us, that's obvious. But for many years we have used it to gain traction. Followed it in order to manipulate and transform it into the law that is also ours and not only theirs. It is currently still a working progress with a lot more room for growth.